..."I just don't want to" and feel absolutely guilty for wanting to do nothing, and, actually worry about those feelings? How could the feeling make you "feel" this way?!!! I mean, think about all the stuff you actually have gotten done this week or the months' past but yet you feel guilty about unplugging, decompressing, or just relaxing. Last week I had those feelings and I followed through on them; all of them until I chilled out on some of them.
It's Okay. You're Not Perfect!
When you're an overachiever, like I happen to be, doing nothing and/or feeling like it, is not acceptable for a long period of time until it becomes acceptable because self-care, like taking mental and physical breaks are necessary for your health. However, at times, it's still hard to mentally switch over into that mindset of easily surrendering and accepting the break and just not doing anything, even when you've done so much. You worry about stopping. For me, I had a busy March of traveling for the book signing, doing the speaking engagement, the book reading and Q&As, and doing several interviews with more that I will be working to secure. I mean, on Monday, Host Coach Reggie Jackson released his Episode of It's Hard Because We Say It Is, with me as his guest. Please check it out at https://anchor.fm/mycoachreggie.
I guess I can say that I just caught myself in saying that "it's still hard to mentally..." like I just wrote above. And it is hard just because we say it is. This is when we have to catch ourselves and alter our thinking because it is hard when we say it is because the mind believes what we tell it. Maybe it's also a pride thing to feel it's hard at times to take a break as an overachiever. I'm not sure but what I do know is that I have to catch myself when I'm in those modes and tell myself that "It's okay. You're not perfect; so stop trying to be!" It's okay to take a break as it is required to recharge and keep going. That's not hard to do.
Worry Less and Live in the Moment More
Now worrying less is what I try to focus on since it is one of my worst habits and biggest mindset shifts that I continue to work on. I practiced this this past week. I am part of team doing a 12-week Walking Program and with me being an overachiever and all, I stepped out of the gate with high daily steps averaging close to 15K for the first week. Then spring break for my kids hit last week and my streak was gone. We went to the beach for a couple of nights, then a small amusement park, had movie night at home, and my efforts and, hence, my step numbers were way down as a result just because "I didn't feel like it" and that became a worry for me because I wasn't doing what I normally do, being consistent and going hard. That worried me a lot at first. When I worry, it messes with my peace so I had to have a conversation with myself which essentially included letting the crappy mindset of worrying and trying to be perfect, GO, and just enjoy my break of not doing my daily routine including exercise for one week and just LIVE in the moment, RELAX, and ENJOY! That's just what I eventually did even though the worry did keep creeping back up with each day of low step numbers and the constant reminder which came every time I looked at my fitbit. UGH! I had the worry/guilty feeling of not living my values/goals but then I just reminded myself that I'm not abandoning my values/goals. I'm just taking a small mental and physical break to get right back at them after I reset because I always do. This latter part of knowing that you "always do" is about trusting yourself in that you are not the person who you might have been in the past who kept procrastinating over and over and never following through on goals. Do you trust yourself? I know it took me some time to trust myself because I have lived that constant procrastination life but then I noticed certain patterns/habits that led to the procrastination. I learned them by reflecting back on exactly what happened for me to not be consistent and just get things done! When I realized my bad/old habits, I put new habits in to replace them but it wasn't that easy at first because of what I had been telling myself.
We're Always Winning the Game We're Playing
I learned this saying when I was going through my Health Coach certification. You ever hear/read something so deep that it strikes you to your core with such impact that you never forget it and as a result have a shift in your world? That was my experience from this one quote "We're Always Winning the Game We're Playing" that when you really take the time to think about it, you might say "WOW!" That was me when I heard it and I reflected on how we behave as humans. Who doesn't want to win? We all want to. No one wants to lose so we tell ourselves what we want to hear to keep winning at whatever mental game we're playing and it shows in our actions. It shows in what we say and what we do. For example, I had old/bad habits of, "Oh, I'll get to that right after I [fill in the blank]" OR "I'll do it/start tomorrow/next week." And in that moment, I was winning because I told myself what I wanted to hear, in my own head, to feel good about what I was about to (not) do, to win in that moment and to do what I really wanted to do (something other than that thing- like sleep longer or lay down and watch TV) instead of what I should have done...get started with that thing (note: even continuing something you started before begins again with getting started). I was winning alright! I was winning by telling myself something different to have a different outcome but not the one I truly desired long term. Once I noticed how much I was actually LYING to myself to WIN in that moment/for that period of time, I had figured it out because I had caught myself in the lies and the self-sabotaging I was doing and quite frankly still do at times. The difference now is that I recognize and acknowledge the difference in what I'm doing. I know when I'm self-sabotaging right when I'm about to do it and then I know that I have a decision to make. Am I going to follow through with my self-sabotage move or not? If I am going to self-sabotage, then I also have to decide not to feel guilty about it because I'm consciously choosing to do it. The conscious choice and not feeling worry, guilt or making any excuses was what I focused on last week. I consciously chose to take a break and not do what I would normally do, my routine. I was taking a mental and physical break and it was okay. However, I had to keep reminding myself that I had consciously chosen because I was NOT trying to win. I was simply trying to relax as well as trust myself that I would get back on my normal routine, like I always do, the coming week. As a reminder, I also posted this quote on my Instagram page Kenya Carr (@life_chapters_coaching) • Instagram photos and videos and as an epiphany for someone who might read it and see it that way.
Are you winning the game you're playing? What are you telling yourself in order to win? What kind of winning is it? The kind that is moving you closer or farther away from your goals/desires out of life that begin with healthy habits? Are you consciously choosing either way, with no guilty, worry, and or excuses? If you are stuck in any area, I invite you to have a conversation with me and it's free. Click here Work With Me | Life Chapters Coaching.
If anything I've shared resonated with you or you have blog topic recommendations, I welcome you to leave a comment below.
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